Dolt Monkey

I don’t know what happened between me and a few people on earth, but… I want peace with all of you. I hold no malice. I have no negative energy left. The devil drained it all. God gave me a clean mind. I refuse to clutter it with negativity. I almost lost sight of that tonight… Panic was shot down with the help of a good friend… Thanks to her, I calm became my center and I refused the awful feelings. I lose selfish dwelling. Oh and by the way…. Fuck this season of LOST. Lame as hell. I’m not just gonna love it cause it’s LOST. They had better make up for the past couple episodes, quickly. Because I’m about to give up. I’m pretty sure that someone or some force out there is trying to kill me. They’re having fun with me… I don’t get it. Just assassinate me already!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Lets ride this mother fucking wave into the lit and unlit passages alike! I am ready for the rebirth of war… Tonight it happens! Life is mine! God is in me! Love is in me! I am going to prosper and I will have what I want… Believe… Trust… Know… that I am fucking ready to light the mother fucking world ablaze with positive energy. And I sincerely want you all to join me… DO ONE THING TODAY THAT POSITIVELY EMBRACES SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT NEEDS IT. OR DO iT TO YOUR SELF… FOR YOUR SELF… Bring the positive war before your own self… See the amniotic fluid and DIVE in. BREATH! BE REBORN! Choose someone to forgive today… Your Self? I think that is a wonderful option. I forgive myself today for being such a bad ass… lol.

I have found a new woman to pursue… and I think I actually dig her more than I ever expected that I would. Its cool though… I am clear minded and positively enforced by God on this one… I am not going to even try, I am just going to see what happens… and if it proves to be nothing… lol… fuck it… NEXT…

I lay in the field and jack off, it is a little past midnight… I can’t release… I am confused and angry all at once… I love tearing one off in the open air… what the fuck is wrong with me? I need a shotgun barrell to rub on my taint just to get hard these days… It is even better with a metal pipe that you have left in the freezer for a few days… I dont have either though.. this is lame… I dream of fucking on the moon… I dream of fucking on a space ship… I dream of fucking a woman with the most perfect tits and the most beautiful and tight pussy… and the most appealing of faces… with long brunette hair and eyes that could pierce even the strongest mans soul. I lay back and she takes control… We fuck on Saturns moons… I finally release on Titan… And I float beside her.. throughout the entire milky way… We find a new galaxy… and WE MAKE IT OUR OWN. Our first child is named Titan, in remembrance of the consummation of our unity. I am King, and she is my Queen, and with our family, we will control an empire. We will be fair and just, and we will never fade the faith of our people… And WAR will be an asinine ideal. And I will have earned it all by being  faithful to myself and to my true God. My word is my loyal insanity…. and my gift is my pride.  I love you all, no matter how much I would rather die… I see you all as equals and I want to kill you too… I kid, I kid. I am so fucking tired man…

Moving is done… all I have left is to clean my old place… I cleaned my closet out yesterday… I found all of my dead friends phone numbers… it was actually very emotional… I found my friend Richards phone number like three different times… (I cleaned out totes that have not been gone through in over a decade… not exaggerating) He died in a car accident when I was only 16 or 17 years old. I also found the number of one of my best friends from high school, Rob, he died a few years ago, after we had lost touch… he died in a motorcycle accident… I miss them both dearly. They were good people inside and the world ate them whole. I also found my fathers old business card… which made me tear up a little as well… It was a fucking emotional little venture, that closet. But it feels good to be done with all of that nonsensical moving… I cant wait to throw even more of my useless shit away once I start to unpack!!!

I am getting my motor cycle in a few months… I cannot wait. It is going to be fun as hell…

Where is the world that I created? Lost in a time zone, far away? Hanging on one of the clouds? OR shot straight down with the lightning? My thoughts are the thunder… I am born of true faith… and I will show you all the way to oblivion… or utopia… your choice, kids… In my mind… the weak are trained by the strong to become stronger, and once the weak are stronger than the strong, the once strong must now learn from the newly stronger, and the cycle repeats… and we are destined to feed off of one another for the rest of our lives… for the rest of existence… The truth is… I need weak moments to compare to the strong moments… I never maliciously lie… I never fib… I never wanted anything more than to… you know what… I just wrote some of the best writing ever… and the net fucked up!!! DAMN IT!

I am gonna try this again…

The world NEEEEDS KINGS! AND THE WORLD NEEDS WARRIORS! BUT WAT WE TRULY NEED ARE KING WARRIORS. aH DAMNIT! I lost the passion… I am angry with the Internets… bad Internets… bad, bad Internets… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! alright! We as kings can conquer all evils… We will defile all evils at the gates… we will destroy deceitful and impure hearts! We will BATHE in your blood! And I will fuck my queen next to your bodies! And we will conceive our children soaked in your death… Our children mixed with your blood, my sperm, and her eggs… I will be the great FATHER! And my kingdom will truly be mine… You will forever be a part of who and what I am… I will never wash these memories from my mind… because life is too short to complain about what we do not have… we have enough… and we can always have more….  YOU WILL WORK FOR ALL OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND YOU WILL EARN YOUR STATUS!!! AS KINGS WE DEVIDE NO GALAXY. One holy ARMADA!

K………………………………….. lets move on… I am mindlessly typing right now… but mindful of every word…. ha! explain that shit bizzzzzznitches!

27 and drawing dead in the streets of a new city.. the world of misfortune is above those who have lost it all… Seriously…….. why the fuck are we conscious? I don’t care why we are alive… I just wanna know why we are aware of being alive…

LAME!

I can fly… did you know that?

I can swim too… \/\/

ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to watch an entire alien species dominate this planet… I want to be their pet….

I wanna be fed and walked and forced into a cage… so that wen I get out, I will just be happy to be taken care of!!!

I want to be a goldfish, or at least have ones memory….

I want to hate the taste of good food..

I WANT RELAXATION IN DOMINANT WAVES!!! I want to be able to fuck and masturbate in public… without getting the police involved…. The world is full of bullshit rules… made by mad men.. and square women… GOD does not approve! I don’t think he does anyway… oh speaking of that, God told me last night that I am going to become the world as I want it… inside my heart anyway… and that made me feel good… I thought he had lost his voice… I thought he had left me again… but I found him… profoundly above the Stars… and below the pits of hell…. My sword is my protector… my shield is perhaps my weapon…

Suicide is for pussies. The thought of suicide is natural… but alas, you do it, and you are a pussy. Weak and pathetic to the core… Life is… interesting to say the least… We let the media and other sources of mass communication, such as human interaction, dictate what we consider to be acceptable in life… and with laws we are left with no choice but conform to these ideals and disruptions to the natural wave length of the human brain… No matter how strong your brain is,  you are influenced by someone or something on a daily basis… You subconsciously choose to become something less than you want… You get the idea… FEED, FUCK, LOOK BETTER, BUY MY PRODUCT!!!! BUY into the idea that perfection is an option!!! IMPERFECTION IS YOUR GREATEST PERFECTION! BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!!! NOT what you think you should be…

My core breaks open, through my skin, and the light that pulses out is brighter than any sun… I scream and the songs of sirens reach out of my throat… Insulted by the thought of the world dying by human hands, I smile as I know where I will be on the day of judgement… My rotting corpse will feed the ground and I will help rejuvenate the Earth… and God will reward me with my station, leading his army…. This is my dream… I wish not to dream of money and women, but indeed I do like those things as well… and I know that I am not a bad person… I am just beginning my journey to the end of the world…. and the beginning of a new and more progressive time…

My horse is called VULCAN………………………………………….

Watch the stains fade… and eat my filth… I am one with an armada… and I really want you to join me… please? pretty please with sugar on top? WELL FUCK YOU THEN… I WILL RECRUIT ELSEWHERE!!! good lord do you feel my prayers? HELP ME!!! OH GOD HELP ME!!! BRING ME HOME!!! BAWHAHAHAHA! I want to feed on lost souls!!! I want to fuck every succubus! Give me PARADISE!

I light these paths with DIM TORCHES!!! and I love the way it makes me feel. Not just about me, but about the rest of the world as well… They dim, but they never fade… I will find you all one day… My family, my friends, my people…. we are alive in the heart of the universe…. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE BEING ALIVE?!?!?!?!?! WE ARE PART OF TIME OF AMAZING UNDERSTANDING AND PROGRESSION. WE ARE PART OF THE CHOSEN SPECIES. WE ARE ALIVE!!!! THIS IS THE TIME TO EMBRACE IT!!! EMBRACE IT!!!! DAMN IT!!!! LOOK TO THE PERSON NEXT YOU, LOOK AT THEIR MOVEMENTS, LOOK AT THEIR CHEST GO IN AND OUT AS THEY BREATHE!!! LOOK AT THEIR EYES AS THEIR BRAINS WORK IN AMAZING SNAPS OF THOUGHT… WE ARE BLESSED WITH THIS! AND WE SHOULD ALWAYS LOVE THE WORLD FOR THIS… i AM GOING TO…. jack off in the lake tonight, just to release my thanks to the planet…

My blood, my path, my journey, my love, and my dismay, are all thanks to life in general. Death stalks me… through my health… but I fear not the reaper, but my own disappointment. I dont want to “show you all,” I want to prove myself to the ones that I love. I just want to be able to prove to myself that I am invincible… and with the past five years, I think that I am pretty damned close…

I want you to all come along on this journey… You are more than welcome to drink from my veins and eat off of my flesh… I will always heal to keep you healthy… My heart will pump he blood to keep you alive………………….. Nail me to the cross and drain me daily… mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. PEACE!

=K=A=

The day my parents ruined the world by conceiving me,
they had such high hopes for their unborn son; wanting something that I thought I could never be…
Protecting me throughout my life, so much for me to become… And now that I am ready, it is something my father will never see.
I may not have disappointed him, but indeed my self through my own judgemental eyes…
The light in me burned out the day he died…
And regret haunts me every day that I am alive.
Fear plagues me as I dream that he is watching over me still, next to God, both in judgement…
And one day I will define my own downfall and rigorous punishment.
Faith escapes through every crack in my stability.
I find absolutely no strength in my own abilities…
Somehow I find it in other ways…
And I’m waiting for the new, growing, brightening light inside of me to be portrayed…
This is my failure…
Or this is my savior…
Either way, I’m pleasantly involved in something much larger than myself.

=K=A=

One foot close to the grave.
I feel safe and embraced.
One thought thrown to the wind.
I feel cleansed and defaced.