Dolt Monkey

They say that the dead may absolutely be watching us… And I think that I am more than okay with that. Ghosts? Zombies? no…. no….

I wish I had spikes for feet… then I could really learn balance…

I wanna be a cyborg… Metal and skin… Flesh and bolts… Blood and oil…

Gigantic metalic wings spread like their own skyline…

STOP DREAMING KENT! it is your least productive attribute.

NEVER!!! My dreams are my surviving quality… reality is death.

And I am immortal in dreams…

We become one with the universe one dream at a time!

Tonight I dream about Dolt taking over the world one banana and scumbag at a time… Uzi fully loaded and easily unloaded one piece of shit human at a time. Call me a Monkey any day… Im proud to be primal.

seriously, I have had like eight nose bleeds in three day… its really fucked up.

And no… I am not doing cocaine… I think it is just the stress of the sickness…  My head has been hurting for like a week now… and it developed into a cough and a sneeze cold type thingy… This is frustration… cause I hate moving and I hate being sick… SERIOUSLY HATE THEM BOTH more than you can even imagine… life is good other than that… I really like the apartment that me and my homie landed in Cedar Park. Its pretty fucking nice. I cannot wait until we are all moved in, and away from Austin… Darts and certain friends are are all that tie me to Austin now. And I suppose my job… bleh. I do love my coworkers and my job, but I am running a little on empty there lately… I have turned into more of a machine than a human there. This blog is getting lame and whiny… SO LETS FUCK SHIT UP REAL QUICK!

A warmth flew into the room as you left my mind last night,

In the city lights I saw the mercy fade and defile the Gods.

One by one the odds change in flavors even your eyes can taste,

The triumphant waste the opportrunites given by solid pastures.

The lingering laughter voids the hatred once felt by the let down,

I help her finally drown as I hold her under the pools of sweat.

Lifeless eyes beset the glory that is the powerful and devine,

The stars align and prove that I must follow the path of a grey dawn.

Yeah I hate this thing I just wrote… sincerely, but I promised I would post what I freeeeeeeflizzzowed… so fuck it… night night kiddos and kidettes!

Damned or not, I am going to get what I want. As long as I am honest with myself about what I want. There is a new dawn finally. And this time will be different, I will not fail. Because there is no more goddamn room for failure. I only need to be pure in my own eyes… Forgiven in the Lords eyes, but pure in my own. I will approach this new dawn with a careful and calm mind. I am the greatest man that ever lived. FACT. Once addicted to a vile bitch of a sun, I am able to move forward and away from the burn. And I will sway toward this calming and somehow chilling and soothing sun. Not for my needs, but the collective needs of our entire universe. The rays from the current dawn are cold like the winter in the north east… But soothing like the sound of an amazing song at that perfect moment.
I will attain my dream life, preferably with Gods help, but if not, I am strong enough to make it happen on my own.
I am the crutch free K. A. The Lord is my savior… And I will not stray from him. But my faith is shaky these days. And it is only because somewhere along the lines, I lost faith in myself. I will have my Empire one day. Hopefully sooner than later, but alas it will be MY EMPIRE. The world is just one fucking obstacle. Life is just a big fucking gauntlet… And I’m not running through the goddamn thing anymore… I’m slowly strolling and kicking through the fucking walls. And I will be a better person for it in the end. Once I reach the other side, I may be a little more bloody and filthy, but at least I will not be too tired from running. And I will address God as a mentor and friend. I will shake his proverbial hand, and with respect, I will kneel before him. And then we are gonna chat a bit. Cause I’ve got some serious questions that indeed need answering. Hopefully I will get those answers on my way to him. But I just feel like it’s gonna be pretty quiet until I kick through that final door.

I sit and watch other people live their lives… I see powerful people. And I know that I can be twice as powerful. I just have to earn it. And I’m well on my way to doing so. My spaceship is missing an engine. I have to earn that new engine. And I will… By building it myself. Bring on the new trials Earth… I’m more than ready for anything that you have to throw at me… Man of Steel, maybe not yet, but I’m getting harder every passing goddamn minute. I fold my hands and welcome the hardest shit that you have to offer… I need it! I beg for it. Because I am only going to get that much better from it all. I’ve got the money and obviously the time. I’ve got the drive…

=K=A=

Slice my skin and let the chemicals burn away my sins. Give the chance of prosperity to those with sincerity… Wash the clouds with the blood of the proud… Spread your dead wings as the sirens sing… Become anger and survive as the Angels keep you alive… To God you owe….

I am in a stone-filled river with a cathartic disposition. I lost my father. I lost my mind. I lost myself in an amazing waste of time. This is not about any certain person or group of people… I am just simply saying that it feels like sometimes God is not listening to me… I have not lost faith… and I have been praying… but still God feels too distant. His little friend below keeps relaying my disposition to the Evils… and they try every motherfucking day to rip me into hells depths… and I have one solution… and it is best described in one of my dreams…

I stand on the city streets in shades of indigo and crimson. My feet square with my shoulders, I embrace the ground firmly beneath my feet. My hands slowly raising from my side, I grip the open air with the skin growing tight around my bones… fingers stretched to the point of breaking… every muscle in my body pulls upward and tightens to the point of pain as my veins almost break through my skin… My eyes turn from white to violet as the ground breaks apart all around me. concrete shards and boulders tear upward in waves almost too soothing to comprehend at the moment. Flames fill the city from below… and with a furious blast and counterproductive scream, I change the force of my power toward the sky entirely… the flames fly even closer to the moon… I throw my hands down in an anger and release all of my tension for less than a second… This time I begin with my hands in the sky, once again fully braced on the now less than level ground. Skin and muscles tight as ever, I throw my hands downward in a single and aggressive rage… My hands break open at every joint and knuckle, and I bite through my tongue as the pain grows once again.  The blood is a small price to pay for what is to come… The clouds break open and reveal the most disgustingly large and infinite army of Angels that the world will ever see. They dart to the glistening flames, breaking through the ground, and returning one by one with a demon in their arms… They throw the bodies one at a time into a grand and indefinite light that is shining through the clouds. The war may never end, but at least today the Earth is cleansed. I crawl back to my rooftop… and I look up to the sky and remember why I am alive as I watch the victorious choir return home virtually free of sin and blood… I smoke a cigarette and tell God that I will see him sooner than later… and the clouds close, as the ground repairs and the city air grows stale once again.

This is what I dream about at night. Welcome to my fucking confusingly soothing and terrifying nightmares… seriously…

My shoulders are heavy with the weight of my own goddamn life… not to mention the worry that I have for the rest of the world. The one time that I looked to the fucking sky for help… I was thrown aside into a horrifying darkness… fed serpents and rodents… and I asked for a simple love to be given and embraced, and I was left with no response… Is God a mute? or am I just that fucking deaf?

…and here I am still toying around the nights and early mornings to watch the city eat itself alive… I want nothing of wisdom other than the understanding of this sickness we call humanity… maybe it is just my sickness… Or maybe I should go to fucking bed… but then… then I have to fucking dream again!!! I used to love my nightmares… but now they are all apocalyptic… and yeah… thats neat and fun, but really dude… fuck all that kind of thought… I am too damned tired to deal with my own thoughts… NOW I GOTTA DEAL WITH THE END OF THE WORLD IN MY SLEEP?! WTF?! …..seriously…. there is no escape. But I am learning to deal with that… so I suppose it is going to be fine. Im no fucking sucker… I am eternal… and that is starting to scare the living shit out of me…

That sucked. No court. Running around looking at apartments all goddamn day. Late for work. Fuck today. With a smirk and full on smile.

Waiting for court… Waiting for court…. Waiting for court all day long! Justice bitches! Justice!

I want what I want and I want it now.

I will have a Sun worthy of me within the next five years… I will have at least one degree in creative writhin that same five years… And kids… I will have my cake and I will eat it too… My weight is rapidly changing… the world is mine… and my only hang up is once again… Who is going to join me on this ride? I got one friend whos literally going to ride with me… I just need a Queen to ride with me… 2010… this is the year of the KA revolution! I am me again… and I always will be from here on out.

Represent yourself… In fantastic and wonderful ways. This new year, this new decade… Move forward and forgive yourself and everyone that you need to. Become worthy of angelic status. Hold grudges… But not in your heart. Employed are the designed. Employed are the devine. Employed are we.. The stones and pillars of purity and self reliance… We are perfection in the eyes of imperfection. Be well in 2010. Keep the negativity focused on the ones that deserve it. But keep your hearts free. Eat a bullet if you must. But never swallow the barrell. =K=A=