Dolt Monkey

And in the end I was better off.

Lets talk this shit out…

The life that I want is still easily in my reach. oh so easily in my reach…

life is going to be so much sweeter in the next few months to come. A metamorphosis of sorts is slowly coming to fruition.

The Furious Fish was the one who took me! Not the Dolt!!! Monkey is a protector! Not one to start wars. I finally escaped…

Seriously though… I’m in a horrid mood lately. So I’m just kind of keeping to myself. I’m in a world where all I want is angels… And somehow I feel like I am always surrounded by serpents. Filthy, vile, hateful, and vindictive snakes…. And I’m sincerely tired of them all. I’m still a happy guy. I’m still taking care of myself… I’m just fucking tired! Just fucking drained. I don’t want to see the blood fly anymore… I just want to stop the bleeding. Forever. I’m losing grip, but I never had the handle anyway. How can you grip something so distant? Is it distant? What is it? It is a healthy mind. No more serpents. No more blood. No more social interaction… With self destructive habits or thoughts… Clean. Clean. Clean souls only… God be my guide.

Fuck you, love you, fuck me, love me,
ka

Dolt Monkey says not to be worried… But he has taken K. A. hostage… He promises to return him unharmed, and in better shape after the holidays… The Dolt is simply protecting his maker from the rest of the world. We shall return after these messages…

The Sun is my guide,
I’m heading home.
The boredom subsides,
I’m reaching out…

To a God that I once called distant.
When I failed, I never blamed myself.
I blamed him for every single instance,
and for that I am surely ashamed.

Forgiveness is my journey and path,
but redemption is my goal in life.
I was never thankful for what I had,
hatred filled my heart and soul.

Now my resolve is powerful and pure,
I love my God and have grown proud,
the past is the past and far endured,
thankful for everything that I call a gift…

I raise my heart in awe of a universe…
So amazing that we can exist as this,
a wondeful and amazing army of verse,
in the song of the greatest gift called life.

A gift that we easily take advantage of,
without effort so many people live,
and never say thanks to the one above,
without effort so many of us dwell…

Instead of seeking help or guidance.
I once lived like this, but never again.
I am vigorously part of a grand alliance.
An armada fronted by my true hero…

The Lord.

The world is in dire need of change and tranformation… We as humans, i.e. the more powerful species, have the means to make that difference, or at least a difference of some sort. And yet so many of us just give up and live… But I I now think that living and just existing is not enough. Becoming one with God, the Universe, Earth, fellow humans, and your own self, this is where we can prosper…
Those who chose to ignore and stay stagnant, I love you and forgive you, but stay clear of my path… Because once I am done fixing my own life, I am coming full force for the rest of the world.

Earth is our home.. I know I sound like a hippy… But I’m not necessarily talking all green peace, save the trees, I am simply stating that if enough people try a little everyday to make their own lives, and someone elses life, a little better, easier, happier, calmer, or just simply less questionable, we may actually all make it off Earth with clean souls… Together.
Now… I’m no hippy… But yes, take care of Earth to the best of your fiscal ability. She, as of now, is our only home.

The light shines like fires in the dark,
this journey on which I embark,
I’m full of rage in beautiful hues,
release is found and misconstrued.

My rage is not anger, it is simply passion.

I indeed hope you all become one with whatever makes you happy in life. Tell the people you care how much they matter. If you have the love in your soul, share it. Be forgiving to everyone, including yourself.

Godspeed. =K=A=

p.s. My spaceship is being built one good deed at a time… Help me build it if you’d like… Or start your own. Boom! I’m outta here!

Simple thoughts on a simple day…
Dreary sky… No sunshine.
My brain is too tired to think deeply about anything.  I’m in a great mood, but sincerely… I am tired as hell and it’s not fun…

While there are waves of discontent in my life, I know that they are only temporary. The fact is that the oceans of possibility, success, love, and optimism are all eternal. I just dig life way more when the waters are swaying with soothing waves of feelings of completion and invincibility. And the tide is just the beginning of living a well minded life. And I’m swimming to the middle of nowhere… Where everything that I have ever wanted and needed is waiting for me. Actually… a lot of what I want and need is right here in front of me. The matter of it is… I just have to work toward some of it…… boom!

The pitch was right down the center and I just watched it fly over the plate. The second pitch was the exact same… I knocked that mother sucker right out of the ball park. My stunt double is going to run the bases for me… Because I am too important and busy to risk getting hurt. Because I’m pretty sure the second baseman has an Uzi hidden under the base. Cheater.

The most I have ever wanted to be healthy is now. I realize that if I want a healthy life… I actually have to work for it. And for the first time in my life… I am okay with that. Fuck “okay,” I am happy to do it.

I seriously want to go to space for a little while… Just to experience something that breathtaking [(lol literally) I know it's lame... Shut up.] and amazing. I’m tired… I’m ready to get in and out of the gym and go the hell home and crawl in my bed, watch some Star Wars, pass out, and dream about the waves in the ocean of space. Ready for battle every minute of every day… This is k to the a… Saying, let’s all live long, together on every planet, but especially here on Earth. It’s time to feed! And be fed!

Remember they’re only human Kent!!! Just like you are!!!
But I’m not an asshole to people I don’t know!
Fuck!!! Stay calm. Be calm. Center yourself!!!!!!!!
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!
I’m gonna snap if these people don’t chill the fuck out. Seriously. No… I’m okay. They’re just a bunch of uncivilized shit baskets. You are civilized. Be Jedi. Be Jedi. Be Jedi. Be Jedi!!!
You’re gonna go home clean the home. And then you’re gonna go get your sober hang out on and watch the fireworks turn to fluid in your own mind. Beautiful and soothing liquid called water. Cleansing and comfortable water…. These fucks can’t phase me. I’ll kill everyone of them inside my head next time I go lift weights. One rep equals one bullet. One set equals one fatality. And all of these people… God bless I am going to be sore… It’s gonna kick so much ass though. Blam!!!! Yeah!!! Fucking a!!! Customers may suck… But at least I finally have the right mindset to control my anxiety.

My heart was once always on the line. So was my life. I never really realized that the two both, metaphorically and literally, are directly related. Recently my eyes were able to be opened. What I want is more than obtainable. I want to see change in the world… And it took me a while to get that I need to change myself first. And the change is almost over… Now I work toward the results and save the world one mind at a time. My mind is saved. I just need to keep the damn thing clean now. Destruction and masochistic delusions were my self defeat. Hope, love, life, and dreaming will keep me alive as long as God needs me here on Earth.
A friend asked me why I am so geared about going to the gym lately… I laugh and respond that is simply time to get my life together. I state that I want to live and love a long and productive life. As I say this… I have an amazing feeling… This is what my life is going to be like? Positive and promising? Why the fuck did I waste so much time dwelling in pessimism? Was it this easy the whole time? Whatever… I like how I feel right now. And I’m going to stop dwelling in the past… And I’m done asking about the probabilities in life. The only probability that I need is my own self advancement on my road home. How can I expect to be a General in Gods army if I can’t even conquer Earthly battles? I am worthy of so much more than I have allowed my self to obtain. All of my heros were dark and twisted people with creative dispositions… I no longer wish to call these people my heros. My heros are my friends and family. And I’m going to make sure that all of them and also myself are taken care of until the day we collectively fall to the end of this physical journey. FACT.

I stand in a field with my arms folded inward. It is cold outside. I feel my spine begin to twist and my head begin to spin. My eyes roll back into my head. And my feet leave the ground. I do not dart upward, but I move slower than I can ever recall anyone having ever moved. My arms jolt outward, to a forty five degree angle with my hands level to my hips. I float upward even slower. The light shines through my eyes as my neck bends backward and I split the night sky apart. I can smell heaven. My body goes limp and I am dragged by the light in my eyes. My body jolts and I have life again! I hear the greatest voice that I have ever heard… He tells my that I am already a soldier here on my own planet. And if I stay loyal to myself, the rewards will be remarkable. Beyond even my own overactive imagination. I come to a stop and I see that face again. I look to God for approval. He tells me to follow my heart, mind, and dreams. He advises that I stay true to my path. And then he demands that I stay true to humanity. To the true warmth and compassion of humanity. My path is clear… Even as an elevated man, I must stay on the ground and use my abilities for pure reasons.
My life is saved. And I’m taking the ones that I love with me on this ride. My spaceship has infinite seats… My queen rides shotgun. That’s the only rule. Tonight we dance for forgiveness in the glory of our King. Tomorrow we book it toward our redemption. This is a self revolution. Become a pilot and fly in my squadron. Or you know that you’re always welcome to ride with me.

Love to you all.
=K=A=

I feel like my life is constantly falling apart. I give so much effort in picking up the pieces.. that I end up waiting for victory.

There is little that I can do to make my life easier at this moment, I have a hard road ahead. And this disposition may never fade if I am not careful.

I am being unbelievably healthy… but still I want results now. Patience has never been a strong characteristic in my life… I want the world and I want it now… I have one year to prove myself worthy of a long life… because that is the time that I have given myself… if in one year I am not drastically close to who I need and want to be, I am done fighting. The walls will break down in anger and destruction… without limits or goals… we are just animals.

I have not had one soda in almost three weeks…

I have made efforts to mend my relationship with God…

I have cut down my drinking by almost 75 percent…

I go to the gym at least three to four times a week…

My blood sugars are almost exactly where they need to be…

I may have to go back on the shots for a little while to get them perfect… but thats okay… I wont need them forever… I will see my Doctor about this later in the month…

My anxiety has been controlled a whole lot easier than I expected it could ever be…

My anger…. well… Im sincerely working on that too…

Live and let live. . .

Someone recently told me that I really hate change… I totally disagree… I am all for the changes that need to be made… it just takes me a while to adjust and adapt to the new orders in life… yeah I bitch and moan about eating a salad or crappy fruit bowl… but damn… come the fuck on! its a SALAD! with shitty dressing… but I know it needs to be done… so I will see what the fuck else happens as far as food, I just need to find healthy food that I actually like I guess… how the fuck do you do that?  is that something thats real???

 I am very set in my ways once I find those ways… so once my period of adaptation is over… I will be fine. The change is inevitable. The warm feelings of excitement are optional. I am very stoked and proud of myself for taking these steps… I dont miss unhealthy food at every meal… but I do kinda miss getting drunk all the time… only because it was so much easier to pass the fuck out… I dont even like being drunk… I just like to fall asleep easily. I dont like being high… but I used to smoke just to pass out… I have a vivid and sickening mind as it is… altering it is quite irrational. I have been drunk a couple of times in the past two weeks… but it just kinda took me out from behind. I actually just realized that I hate being drunk… HATE it. So fuck that shit.

I am no animal… This ride is for the wicked and forgiving alike… lets ride on. 2010 the year I become Kent again… boom!

This is a way different life style for me… but I am starting to love it… the tension is shattered… and I will walk away unscathed.

PROJECT IN MOTION… =K=A=