Dolt Monkey

Thank God for the Pixies!!! And it’s been since Friday that I have had a soda. And I only had that one since last Tuesday. Boom!!! Over a week since the herbs have been smoked. And I have only had like two beers since Saturday. I’m going to fill out some financial aid paper work today. Get back to the books… And such. Life is good. Get back to the gym early next week. Project 27x is in full motion. As a good friend would say, 2010… Lookin out for that star player! But seriously let’s get this shit done. From 440 a year and a half ago to 388 right now. I challenge any and all negative suckers to rise and embrace this moment in life and realize the full potential of your existence!!! Rise and be one!!!

My muscles are flexing involuntary. My neck is tight and my eyes feel like they are going to jolt out of my skull. And I fucking like it!

Seriously though, be well minded and embrace the strange vibes because without the awkward things in life, we would just be methodically breathing just to exist. Or maybe it’s just a strange day for me. And maybe I just want to take you with me. Bwah!!!! Let’s roll forward together. The Sun is shining ever so brightly. Especially yesterday…. And it is awesome. She deserves it. Boom!

Ouch!!!

List of lists I am quick to take my first pick and stick with my choice so beautifully painted out by that voice.

Geared toward a better future. No room for fear. Run through the possibilities. Endless. But one goal. One result. One happiness. I can and will be what I want to be.

No soda really sucks… But day two is good. My head is a little jacked, but I think I will be fine.

Tonight I am going to apply for financial aid online. Damn it. Damn it. Yes!

I am going to clean my room this next week at some point.

And then I am going to get my exercise bike back and I’m gonna kick some major ass. Shed some pounds. Yeah!

Then my car. I need new tires. And I need to detail it. And continue taking care of it.

Good good good good. Bah!

My head hurts. But the gym will take care of that hopefully.

Working at another store is shitty. And boring. And lame. And spiteful. I’d rather be struck by lightning on my toes. Yeah. Seriously.

But today is a good day. Smiles around.

I finally understand what needs to be done. The next few weeks are going to be very important to my future. And this I know for a fact to be true. Project 27X is back!

Suspended in space, somehow I am breathing fine. Between the planets I see my path here on Earth. I gather speed and dart toward my home. She gives me the strength that I need. The look in her eyes opened my own. Her words were powerful. And somewhat startling. That’s why I was hiding in space last night. But the message got through the atmosphere and made me realize that it’s time to stop talking and take action. Monkey says that I have known this forever. Dolt fucking Monkey. But I say to the great DM, sometimes it takes someone else to make you understand the severity and importance of your actions. BOOM!!! Fade out.

My FUCKING SKULL HURTS!!! And I didn’t even drink last night. I went to sleep at dawn. It was nice. :/ seriously though, I feel like complete shit today as far as my physical self. Mentally I am good. But damned if my head wouldn’t feel better if I could just have a beer and bitch slap most of my customers. My blood. My life. My brain. I. … Ah! The apocalypse is taking place inside of my head. Thoughts are armed to the teeth and ready to destroy my brain cells. And the brain cells are too busy playing gin and looking at the stars to defend themselves. School or not?! Second job or not?! Get back to the damned gym! It’s all coming at me at once. Like an army of bullets from an armada of guns from an entire fleet of big freaking ships. But let me not forget that I am unstoppable! Between my Jedi mind tricks and man of steel attitude, I am damn near impossible to drag down. I am the man of steel. My skin is armor. – this is ten minutes later. My fucking customers made me lose my rhythm… And that is why I am ready for blood to fly!!! I just want a month off. One silly, stupid, little month… To just relax and spend time with the ones that I care about. But no way! There are no breaks from life. Maybe a nice coma. That could be awesome. The dreams in there would definitely give me something to write about. Had a great night last night. Not so much Saturday. Lmao. I over did it Saturday and it is nothing that I ever want to do again. Specifics will not be discussed here on the site. FUCK! I guess I have to go help customers now. This day needs to fucking end. I’m ready for the night.

Bah!!!!!!!!! Yeah! I like it. Above and beyond. The next level. My home. Where do I belong? Am I afraid? How can I be? Fear is not an option anymore. Moving forward. Success. This is what I need. Elevation. Luminosity. Age means nothing when you know heaven awaits. Anger means nothing when you face it so often. Money means nothing when what you love is not material. Survival costs money. That’s why I work. I feel like a simpleton today. I do not wish for anxiety. I so wish to not need pills. Its been another strange weekend. It is time to grow up. No more words. Now is the time for action. And it shall be done.

Today is SO damned slow at work. I would rather be at home in bed. I would rather be anywhere but here right now.

The glory that was my negativity is slowly fading into the past. Finally I have my mind back… Most of it anyway. Lmao. All it took was time to think shit out. Analysing every thought until I was depleted, I realized that I have a few things to fix in my own life before I fade. And I could really care less. I’m ready to just give in and do what needs to be done. But I need to discover a feeling of ease before I can make any of it happen.

Apparently I worry too much. I don’t think that I worry enough, but some say I shouldn’t worry at all. Ha. What’s my name? Yeah I worry. It’s kind of what I do. But I only worry about what matters.

New lyrics (rough first cut):

Trepidation Unworthy (The Day Negativity Dies)

Everytime that I light a cigarette,
I remember why my father died.
And everytime I look up to the sky,
I daydream that he is still alive.

Everytime that I have a few drinks,
my mind freezes and my heart sinks.
But it keeps me calm and at bay,
And I have never felt like this anyway.

Every night when I try to fall asleep,
the voids seem to be growing so deep.
Even when I dream I am entirely aware,
of who I am and why I need to care.

As the sky turns grey tonight,
these emotions will just seem right.
As I remember the ones who I care for,
I will wait, sleeping calmly by the shore.

While the waves crash into the sand,
I focus my efforts on how to be a man.
Changes need be made and maintained,
before I am with God and have to explain.

End.

The words above are nothing but love.
My angelic army and I must now close up shop. Weakness is no longer an option. For any of us.

Simply put…. Fuck my life. The morning is pure fucking evil. Sent by Satan from hell… Just to fuck with me. Of this, I am completely convinced. Thank God for Mountain Dew and Nirvana and the Pixies. Without them this morning would have become a total disaster. Life is getting busy. Life is annoying before noon. Fuck! I was not supposed work today, but my boss and homeboy had to take his son to the er last night. So I am not bitter at all, I just hope his boy gets better. I just do not like this putrid existence they call “morning.” It is going to be a long day. And I’m already hanging on by a thin, thin strand of wire… That I am actually considering hanging myself with. Ha! Fuck this shit… I’m so damned annoyed. Did I mention that I am the fucking man?! Because I totally am. My fantasy football team is amazing. And I’m going to dominate my league. It’s a rainy slow day at work. Oh how I want to just run into the rain. Lay in an open field and just let the rain cover me. While I jackoff and impregnate the open air, I will scream out the names of all of my past demons. And I will move forward. Not backward. Never backward. I am the omega. Within myself all things are possible. I am strength. I am one with life as a whole. And the devil is calling my name from below. And I look down in glorified anger to tell him that one day I will be given a sword by the notorious G O D. And with that sword I will destroy him and his entire armada. I fear nothing of evil. I only fear the morning.

I reach my fingertips into my chest to rip apart the skin and bone. I separate my ribs to expose my insides. There is no longer a blinding light, but a dim house lamp like you might see in cheap and under maintained, leaky roofed apartment. Inside that apartment sits a man in laughter. Reclining in a lazyboy, smoking a cig, drinking a beer, the man giggles and chants nothing but old songs and ancient diatribes. And that is entirely relaxing to think about.

All of my dreams are dead or dying slowly. And quite honestly, the less dreams that I have, the less I feel like I’m stunted. So it all works out for the best. It is time to get the good paying job. Sell myself for the right price and all. Love life and live it.

I’m am shit housed right now and have to be at work in eight hours. Awsome!!!! Fuckerville awaits!!! Fuck all of you. You’re all insane. And I love you for all of your imperfections. Because to me every imperfection is what makes you perfect. God willing, I will still know everyone of you until the day I die. If not. Well that sucks. But still you’re all the shit. Thanks for reading. Now, piss off.

I didnt mean it baby… come bakc… Youre my everything… hahaha…

Whats new ? ? ?  not a whole lotta… just chilling and billing.. facebook is a bunch of shit… crazy random ahit. foirver fucking useless. social networking waht a crockl of shit… bah!

FUCK YOU UIMOUT!