Archive for July, 2009

Jul
30
2009

Strong am I with the force, but not that strong.

 Defeated is the magnificence of mystified passages and depths best left undiscovered.

 Knighted, still I would fail to see the proper distractions to keep me sane.

 Once a definite hero, I fall now to sleep a forgotten man. In time perhaps they will tell my story again, but for now I am waiting for immortality.

 As if you were a god of indestructible power, I fell to my knees to worship you. Where are you now? What glory can you provide? (Painful thoughts from long ago.)

 The woman was once my angel. And she became my sun. She gives me energy and holds me close but at a distance. And still I am forgotten…  What factors collect in our advanced minds?

 Tell me something or leave me to the flames. Toss me an answer or show me the door.

 Why as humans do we feel loneliness, pain, detachment, and anger?

 What purpose do I serve? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I care?

 Answer me, or lead me to the land of the dead where I can become one with something that I at least understand. Death is the only thing that is absolute.

 I long for trust in humanity. I want it. I need it. But I will not have it.

 What the hell is worth this much insanity?

 Where in time do I expire as a remembered soul?

 I fucking disgust evil. The devil, evil, Lucifer, negativity, and hatred, I could do without any of these things. Yet we allow them to exist.

 Lord, I will earn a place by your side, but I wish to know you better before I arrange to meet you for judgment.

 She will be mine. She will be mine. The Earth is my home. I must fight for her. She needs nothing from me.

 Earth, be my guide! Sun, give me power! Moon, help me rest! Just let me earn the answers! Show me the path!

Anger is mine… and I want to abandon it! Confusion is here… I need to leave it behind.

Give me the power that I deserve to accomplish the necessary changes in the world! Become the fires and rise from within me… show me the way to accomplish building the world that I need to build in order to survive. I beg you. Give me a new life. I will conquer all evils.

My soul is shielded in your glory. My sword is sheathed in your armor. And I am forever a man following in your phases. I love you universe, guide me home.

Posted in RANTS | 1 Comment »

Jul
28
2009

im⋅ag⋅i⋅na⋅tion

im⋅ag⋅i⋅na⋅tion

–noun

1. the faculty of imagining, or of forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses.

 

2. the action or process of forming such images or concepts.

 

3. the faculty of producing ideal creations consistent with reality, as in literature, as distinct from the power of creating illustrative or decorative imagery. Compare fancy (def. 2).

 

4. the product of imagining; a conception or mental creation, often a baseless or fanciful one.

 

5. ability to face and resolve difficulties; resourcefulness: a job that requires imagination.

 

6. Psychology. the power of reproducing images stored in the memory under the suggestion of associated images (reproductive imagination) or of recombining former experiences in the creation of new images directed at a specific goal or aiding in the solution of problems (creative imagination).

 

7. (in Kantian epistemology) synthesis of data from the sensory manifold into objects by means of the categories.

 

8. Archaic. a plan, scheme, or plot.

 

 

Those who lack imagination are forever lost in the world of reality every single day. SUCKERS!

Posted in FASCINATING and REMARKABLE | No Comments »

Jul
22
2009

Indomitable

Am I Icarus or am I Kal El?

 Does the sun hinder or aid me? hmmmmmmm?

 For personal reasons, I have deleted the past few posts. Sorry for the inconvenience. They made me uncomfortable.

 Basically I fell again for a woman whom I had once fallen for in the past. She told me it’s not meant to be, which sucks, but I understand. Its not all dramatic and sad face, it is more like a “Really? Damn” type feeling. It’s not a good feeling, but I understand it and her reasons. So I guess it was delusion. And that is okay. I feel fucking ridiculous for falling for the same woman twice (obviously I never stopped caring), but it is what it is… I will bounce back like a fucking champion. Honestly, I believe that she and I could be fucking amazing together. But she has other thoughts. Well, oh well… that’s just the way the deck was dealt. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t mess with me, but I am not going to let this dominate my life. Cause I’m the type of nigga that’s built to last… And she is awesome. Her path will lead her to happiness. So there is no worry there.

 She asked me if we were still going to be friends after she shot me down. And that really actually kind of fucked with me… I once was bitter enough to hate after rejection. But now this is the beta KA. Alpha KA was weak and angry. Beta KA is not so easily broken. I think for the first time I actually care about someone (more than myself) that I am attracted to. And damn… that seems pretty crazy. For reasons unknown, my visions and desires were merely selfish in the past. She doesn’t want me the way that I want her. Does this cause a problem for either of us? Not at all… I put up the shot, got it spiked back in my face, and now I am golden. I lost this series. What else can I do? Obsess? No. Deny? No way. Be awkward and crazy? No fucking way. Make goofy jokes and be awesome? That’s what I do anyway… so YES! She and I will continue to be good friends and that is a righteous thing.

The whole school conundrum was really fucking with me… should I go back? Shouldn’t I? Would it make me happy? And the answer to the last one is, no. Going back would only make me hate my life. Believe that. May the universe forgive me, but I should not even consider changing my life. Not right now. My lifestyle is what makes waking up everyday worth while. I do not base my happiness or self worth on a document proclaiming success in something that I am already skilled in. I choose to follow my dreams and become a self sustaining author and journalist. I am going to change my habits, gradually. And that is good enough for now.  I would only have gone back to college for other people and seriously out of thinking it was a “reputable” path. But I sincerely call bullshit on that. I can not do it to appease others, and I certainly cannot do it out of artificial necessity.

Life: Try it once and move on.

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Jul
21
2009

The Plan Adjusted

My Plan: REVISED

 

In five years: I will have finished at least two of my novels, and with any luck three. I will also have lost a severe amount of weight. And will be happy with hopefully the right woman.

 

In ten years: I will have finished seven novels. I will have at least five of them published and on shelves. And will confidently have stayed with or found the right woman and will be planning on marriage or will already be married. We will own our own home. My health will be impressive.

 

In twenty years: My family will have grown by at least one or two children. I will have a steady career as an author and/or journalist and my family will be happy because we are so unbelievably remarkable. One or two weeks a year we will be traveling somewhere new and exhilarating. And I will be the healthiest that I have ever been.

 

In forty years:  I will be happy along side the woman that I consider perfect and who has agreed to deal with me for this long. My children will have their own wonderful families. And I will be able to look back at the last forty years of my life with absolutely zero regrets and wonderful memories. Optimistically I will have been able to visit another planet by then as well… but if we as people have not made that possible yet… I will still have considered the past forty years of my life to be outstanding.

 

How am I going to make this happen?

 

Because: I have faith expanding beyond my own egocentric opinions and feelings. And we are one.

 

My Lord is my Earth and my God my universe. As one we will conquer any and all complications that evil (negativity) brings forward. Trust in my mind the splendor that is befalling the human world. We together can manufacture new worlds not only in imagination but in actuality. Imagine the possibility of growth beyond even our own comprehension. God is calling out to us. We must connect through the avenues of enlightened observation and legitimate comprehensions. My haven, my mind, my word, we will reign as one. Reborn in worlds so implausible that we see the mirrors and colors with brilliant and sophisticated eyes, we will see the ultimate judgment and laugh vigorously into a peaceful embrace we once feared to be death. And we will forever be a part of the magnificence that is existence. ~K~A~

Posted in LIFE, RANTS | 1 Comment »

Jul
20
2009

oh well… damn.

Tonight I wish I was floating free in space, aimlessly and absurdly gazing at Earth as I drift farther and farther away… Just me, my hopes, and my fears, all floating into a distracting and soothing abyss. I certainly believe that I could die happily this way. Life would be complete in my eyes as long as I die with my eye catching gods eye in the depths of our universe. As one we are all worthy of not only a colossal sense of completion, but an energy so immense that worlds could die and be reborn in amazing ways. We have the power literally in the palm of our hands. We all must be reborn. Not just as a collective entity, but as one mind, one being, one heart, we must all be reborn.

Be good and well. I love you all. ~K~A~

Posted in LIFE, RANTS | No Comments »

Jul
06
2009

Veracity 1-3

Veracity 

 

My mind sometimes expands and leaves me behind in ways almost sickening.

Onward to the end of the skyline, my daydreams lift and drift me into the void.

Revolutions draw me unstable and take me across various lanes of thought.

Explanation and reason become remote and out of reach along with success.

 

Through the atmosphere I try my damnedest to remember why I am still shining.

Hope is gradually returning warmth to my freezing veins with a stumbling commotion.

And your comforting face becomes constant once again to carry me back to actuality.

Nowhere has unavoidably become every simple and solitary place that I am without you.

 

Losing touch and finding forgettable fortunes around every corner of this terrain,

Instantly I throw these flashy ornaments to the ground to continue in search of my home.

Fleeing all distraction and sticking with a promise made long ago to forever be genuine,

Every night my devotion drags me across gauntlets that burn and cause diverse abrasions.

 

Veracity II

 

Lingering absentmindedly in the decades of the intolerance of my own thoughts,

Obviously your presence clouds my unreasonable dwellings and insecurities.

Volatile and presumptuous I met my own immoral ground almost to the point of defeat.

Every dismal moment was erased with your gaze and the echoes of your vitalizing tone.

 

More time passes and dreams of reaching home slip through my fingers once again,

Unfathomable thoughts of failure and disaster fill the reality that I used to know and love,

Still I see nothing of utopia or rapture in my near or even despicably distant future.

Then your touch arrives and becomes my guide on this unique and magnificent journey.

 

Restoring my soul is fast becoming an option as I begin to open wide like an abyss.

Instability runs off me like water off my skin as I become clean in this kingdom’s ocean.

Starvation of my cynical side is now at hand and I will not forget my promises or worth.

Every appalling moment will guide me back toward earth with you carefully at my side.

 

Veracity III

 

Forever in awe and indebted to you and your support, the world seems surmountable again.

Returning from hypocrisy I try to find things to occupy my thoughts as I rise from anguish.

Oblivious to the transaction between faith and fear, darkness again tries to tear me downward,

More ever than before I am anxious to fight and dispute my way away from this vicious crypt.

 

Young as my mind was, I saw the envy of the moon and the stars as the sun fall to despair.

Only younger was I when I saw the sun destroy the moon and its squadron early at dawn.

Undoubtedly I recall the cleansing rivers turning to waste and dirt as my neck went stiff.

Regret became an awkward and disabling word with many meanings and brutal consequences.

 

Sorrow may yet escape me here on earth or even elsewhere as you bring me this reality.

Obviously my need for you exceeds my capacity to be rational about such basic things.

Under the inspiration of my dreams of dramatic colors in dim hues and simple locations,

Life took me out of the shadows and in to the luminosity that is your supportive embrace.

                                                                           

~ K. A. Lajaunie ~

Posted in LYRICS AND POEMS | 1 Comment »